Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
