Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
