I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
