She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
