dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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