Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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