She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
