What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize