Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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