we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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