I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize