i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
