Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
