if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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