You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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