You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
