So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize