: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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