he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I will pee on everything he values.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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