So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize