As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
