i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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