I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
