I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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