May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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