things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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