I accidentally had phone sex last night
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
