We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
