I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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