OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
