You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
