I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
