Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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