he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize