i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
