My first STD was from a foam party
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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