I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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