dude i'm inner monologue high
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
