He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
