I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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