Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
