I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
