I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
