i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
