He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize