I think I died a long time ago.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
