do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So many bounce houses so little time
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
