I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
