I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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