you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
