This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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