as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
