a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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