he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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