sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
