So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
