I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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