i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
