Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
