I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
