I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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