Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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