you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
