wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
