Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
