Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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