Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
