happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
