He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
