my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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