thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
