maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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