: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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