I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
